Understanding the self-love language that you speak, will make it easier for you to meet your own self care and self love needs. This test’s most important use is to strengthen the relationship you have with yourself.


Self-love languages


“Do unto others as you would have them do on to you.” I was taught from a young age to treat others with respect and kindness. I was encouraged to give to others and that giving to myself should always be second. 

One thing I was never taught was self-love or what that even looks like?

When we’re recovering from an unhealthy relationship with food and our bodies, we are encouraged to give to ourselves — to put on our own oxygen mask first — before we help others. Yet, this idea, of having self-love, has always been a foreign concept to so many women. 

I realised that showing self-love for yourself doesn’t mean that you love every part of you every day — but that you accept that you’re human and things won’t always go to plan; life happens. You will encounter hurdles and you will make mistakes. This is what it means to be human.

The more we open ourselves to the reality of this, instead of fighting it and expecting perfection, the more we are able to feel compassion for ourselves and shower ourselves with self-love.

The 5 Love Languages explores the idea that love can be expressed in more than one language and that not everyone feels loved in the same ways. Once we figure out what our self-love language is, we can improve the ways in which we love ourselves and help others love us in ways that mean the most. This post is all about how you can use your self-love language to love on yourself.


self-love language


I am five years into my recovery from an eating disorder, and self-compassion and self-love is something I have to mindfully practice on a daily basis. We all need different things to feel loved, and we all have different self-love languages. It is important to know what resonates for you.


The 5 self-love languages


Words of Affirmation

Practice daily affirmations that encourage self-compassion and being good to yourself. Such as, “it’s only a thought and a thought can be changed”, or “I love the way I feel when I take good care of myself”.

Journal your strengths and everything you’re grateful for. Document everything you accomplish, feel good about, like about yourself, etc.

Keep your self-talk positive. Turn down the volume of your inner critic and choose to be your own coach or cheerleader. Be positive in the ways that you not only talk to yourself but how you talk about yourself.


Acts of Service (this is my self-love language!)

Prepare healthy meals for yourself. Put thought and effort into grocery shopping and meal preparation.

Create an organised, clean and aesthetically pleasing home environment for yourself. Love where you live, even if on a budget.

Schedule regular physical, dental and mental health check-ups. Address any health concerns in a timely manner if they arise. Without your health, you have nothing.

Dress yourself with love and care. Wear clothes that make you feel like the beautiful person you are.

Get up and give yourself what your body is telling you it needs in that moment.

Receiving Gifts

Buy only what you love.

Gift yourself with an experience on your bucket list.

Invest in your education. Want to pursue a higher degree? Take a cooking class? Learn how to be a yoga instructor? Do the research, apply for grants and scholarships, volunteer to learn new skills or take a free course online. Gift yourself with knowledge.

Treat yourself to the wisdom and perspective gained from travel. Limited funds? Consider volunteer or service work or pooling together resources with friends and traveling on the cheap.

Never apologise for nurturing your mind, body, and soul.

Quality Time

Set aside time for daily mindfulness practices such as meditation and deep breathing relaxation.

Make time for leisure, hobbies, play and enjoyment.

Prioritise sleep, movement and making food you enjoy eating.

Do not over-schedule, over-book or over-commit. Your life is worth more than being a mouse on a wheel…

Make time for being alone and for slowing down to get to know yourself, which in turn will help you to be more present in your life.


Physical Touch

Stretch and give yourself a massage with a foam roller.

Release toxins by taking a hot bath with Epsom salts. Release the stress and soak in the love.

Moisturise your skin. As you touch your skin, thank each body part for all it does for you.

Give yourself a spa treatment: manicure, pedicure, facial, deep conditioning treatment.

Self-love is a journey. Our bodies deserve our love and kindness. They do not deserve to be punished for what we think our bodies can’t do or what we believe they are not.

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” ~ Buddha

What is your self-love language? I’d love to know.


kelly renee eating behaviour coach